What a privilege to be busy.

Photo credit: chelseaneff_photography

Before I had a baby I thought being busy equated to being productive. But, in reality I was never really busy in that way. At least, I thought I was busy but I was definitely not productive.

I was busy enough to be stressed but not busy enough to genuinely be moving the needle in any part of my life that I truly valued.

The one thing I did consistently stay busy at was work. I would start between 8 and 8:30 am in the office and finish around 7:30 pm probably four days a week. And to be honest, it was not a badge of honour. It was a badge of unnecessary stress and the inability to figure out how to prioritise and deprioritise tasks efficiently.

I rarely found the time to consistently workout, there were months I would succeed but it was never a constant. I would pick up a new hobby occasionally and then drop it again. I would travel a lot more than the average person but not an impressive amount. Go out for dinners frequently but never put time into researching the spots. See friends a fair amount but not enough to truly be present in their lives.

I felt so busy. Yet, I never felt like I had anything to show for it.

Now - as many mothers do - I look back, and realise I actually had a lot of spare time, it just didn’t feel like it.

I simply felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and stuck because I couldn’t figure out what I valued. But, things changed when I got pregnant.

The inflection point

For context, I have always wanted to be a mother. It has been a consistent dream in my life for as long as I can remember. So, bear that in mind for the rest of this substack because it does have quite a lot of sway.

When I got pregnant. It was like I took my foot off the accelerator. I don’t mean I sat back and relaxed. I mean that I stopped driving recklessly around without direction or even a minute to navigate.

Even though I was now busier in so many ways, I learnt to pause. I learnt to compartmentalise my life better. I learnt to prioritise and deprioritise. I learnt to use my spare time wisely.

Being on the couch in my own home actually started to be relaxing. Moving my body became more about how it made me feel rather than finding time for something that felt like a punishment. Eating started to be about how to fuel my body and less about eating my feelings. Reading and writing on the tube became a priority for me.

Everything I struggled to find time for before, now became something I valued and actually sought out time for.

I even started to speak with confidence where I knew what I wanted to say. But, I also started saying ‘I don’t know enough to give my opinion’ rather than scrambling and giving an uneducated answer. For once in my life, I was letting myself take space without stressing about whether I was meant to be there.

The first chapter of a new story

When my son came along, this change in attitude became permanent.

My whole world shifted. What I valued most was suddenly right in front of me, all the time. I was finally a mother.

For some, this is more of a reshaping experience. Reshaping who you are and who you thought motherhood would make you. It can be unsettling for those who identify strongly with something outside of motherhood, which is true of many women today. Instead, I found it to be grounding.

Becoming a mother was meant for me in its entirety. I never minded the lack of sleep. The fact that my son was attached to me 24/7. My poor husband has barely had a chance to have a minute with him alone because I get so much FOMO when he isn’t with me.

The word ‘busy’ has taken on an entirely new meaning.

‘Spare time’ is limited to naps, after baby’s bedtime, and the rare moments where I decide to peel away and do something for myself. Don’t forget that between work and parenting, house tasks pile up.

But what’s interesting is that work feels more like I am doing it for me than it felt before. Previously, it was a means to an end for me. A way to use my time whilst waiting to become a mother. A substitute for my true purpose in life.

Work has now become a time in the day where I get to challenge myself in ways I never truly saw value in before. I think when you go without it for so long and your life becomes all consumed by motherhood, you realise the value your work had in your life outside of money and income. Of course, this does not apply to everyone.

I have found a way to make work feel less ‘busy’ by being more productive and focusing on what truly adds value for me and the business.and by doing this, I am building a career I want rather than panicking about fitting into someone else’s mould.

Work is now where I step away from motherhood. Where I am just me - who I was before I had a child but different. Meeting up with friends also feels like that. So does going to a workout class.

What comes next?

I think overall the concept of busy changes. I now feel less guilt in the silent moments on my couch. Less like I need to be rushing around and doing things or meeting up with people. I now get to work 5 minutes late because nursery drop off is at 8am. I leave work slightly earlier so I make it home for my son’s bedtime.

My priorities changed but my busy-ness didn’t. Actually life only got busier, I just found a way to manage it.

Yes, I have definitely entered the next stage of worrying but rather than flapping around, I have found a way to make it work for me. To be honest, I just get on with it.

And when those silent moments come. I let them. I don’t race to fill them. I sit in them.

Some ideas for how you can be silent this year:

• Meditate

• Journal

• Move your body/ Stretch

• Relax on the couch

• Have a bath

• Go for a walk

• Read a book

• Have a coffee (and a crossaint if you are feeling fancy)

• Lie on the floor with your legs up against the wall

• Do absolutely nothing

Take the time to remind yourself of who you are and what you want. Let yourself be present in your own body, in your own mind. Breath.

The reframe

What a privilege it is to be busy in this life you have created for yourself.

For now, I don’t want to think about the moment where my home is silent because there are no little ones running around. When I am 90 years old, I hope I can say that despite being busy I was present. Because it’s the small things that matter the most.